As the weeks went on I just felt more and more alone. I kept feeling this familiar feeling I had and I remember how specific feelings are relatable to having powers.
It was so strange to re-visit my grandparent’s house not seeing my grandmother anymore crocheting a blanket or at least see her smile again. I remember my mother being very sensitive to people’s intentions. Even when she would smile I could feel how sad she was.
I would watch the cartoon X-Men so much I started feeling relatable to the characters Rouge and The Phoenix. Searching for an outlet and not having anyone to talk to about understanding that we all have powers. So I started praying a lot more. I even wanted to mediate. I remember sitting down with the tv white-noise on, closing my eyes and in just those few seconds I got to see the light beings in my life. I was surrounded by light and feeling that familiar feeling. Before I could pursue any further my mother comes yelling, “What are you doing?!” I told her, “I am mediating.” I was so confused why she is yelling at me then she yells, “Mediation is demonic!” But I never felt a bad presence while I mediate. Because of her beliefs I didn’t pursue mediation. I had certain encounters that shown in my life that angels/light beings are real and the power of your words carry a lot of power in them for your prayer to be heard. These are the beliefs I started feeling. My family was Jehovah Witness and very strict to their belief. So my questions would just challenge them and they were not open to any other beliefs. Even though they did not practice a way of life that Jehovah Witness would accept.
Even when I knew my parents were living differently in their personal life comparing to the beliefs being talked at the Kingdom Hall to basically walk the talk of God. I was a firm believer in the creator but I knew there was more to this world and we are here to figure it out. Being that young I still had this sense of meaning in life. Plus, my mother told me how she prayed before she was pregnant with me to have a girl. Out of all boys I was the only girl. So, even in my beginning I felt blessed to be alive and picked to be here in this world.
The feeling couldn’t escape me I couldn’t put my finger on it but it was like a stillness in the air and butterflies in my stomach. I just knew this feeling had a meaning behind it. Because this feeling would only present itself to light when I was verbally pointing out what people needed to hear good or bad. Yes, I was sometimes was a little too outspoken but when this year happen with my grandmother’s I notice how less outspoken I became. How I didn’t share how I felt or what I felt from others. I remember my mom always asking me questions about the future so I knew she knew something of my powers or what I uniquely shown to her. I did felt used by her with her questions. I remember getting so frustrated I would yell out to her to stop asking me questions. I felt so sad. I was alone.
One day my father had to go to my grandfather’s house and he was sharing how he felt sad but that he knew he needed to be there for his father. He talked so much about how active my grandfather was and how he wishes he would be able to live as long of a life like his father. That same feeling came over me that I knew something about my father’s future. Then I heard a clear voice tell me, “He isn’t going to live that long like his father.” I was sad to hear this but my father was so happy and proud of his dad, I didn’t want to take away his smile with worry. So I let him believe he will live a long life. Then I smile back at my dad and I realize just like the X-Men cartoon certain people are not ready to see other people with powers but the people with powers can still have a life to live.
So I decided that even if I have no one I can share this information with I can still pray and know that their are other beings right next to me and that there are physical beings that can bring love into my life. Like my dad, grandmother and grandfather.
So each year you have a life story that you go through just to realize your story can be filled with so much. How you learn from it is another story.