Through my life experiences so many times I have learned something new from someone. From those type of experiences I believe we all have a puzzle piece to the bigger picture of life. How we all can learn from one another.
Growing up with a narcissistic mother in the ghetto and having certain supervisors who are incline to behave in such a manner in the food industry. I noticed how hard I would try to make sure I always did the right thing or be at my best behavior so I wouldn’t get in trouble. (Not knowing they had an agenda of their own selfish ways.) I would still strive to be my best and try to make good decisions. Still not realizing having the try so hard attitude to make good decisions I didn’t notice my behavior was still trying to please those around me. I was comprising who I am so I can avoid any confrontation. Always saying I’m sorry!
I didn’t know any better because of just not knowing. Not having the information to learn from and because of not knowing I didn’t think of questioning my behavior of always trying to do the right thing for others. Once you make the decision to comprise for others you start losing a piece of you that you start giving away freely of your own energy of oneself to others. Even if they are not trying to manipulate you. I would constantly say the word I’m sorry. Sometimes I would say I’m sorry back to back. Seeing how I once was I am amazed how I got out from almost losing myself to others.
What helped me?
I received some advice from someone who shared their piece of the puzzle of life. I was at work and like everyday at work I would always strive to do my best performance. So my co-worker was sharing his story of what brought him to this company and his goals on moving up in the company. I was very supportive letting him know he got this! As he stood in the same area (note: that he was not in my walking path) I was walking near him to put down one of the dishes to serve to guests, as I switch out dishes, I turn to walk toward the kitchen sink. As I walked by him I say “I’m sorry for being in your way.” After I set down the dirty dish in the kitchen sink. I walked back to my station to start serving the guest. Once the lunch rush was over he ask me, “Joy, Why did you say I’m sorry?” I said “I had a hot pan in my hands and I was walking near you so I was in your way.” Not realizing this behavior of specific words that are chosen to say was a form of past traumas I wasn’t dealing with. I was just not aware. He says, “You know Joy saying I’m sorry when you have not made a mistake doesn’t help you.” I was intrigued by this new information. I knew I was about to learn a life lesson. He continues to and says, “Let me explain how it doesn’t help you. When you say I’m sorry especially when you made no mistake you have gone through something in your life that your not dealing with and by saying sorry when you have not wronged a person you are giving your energy of yourself to them and they have the power over you.” I was surprised to hear how words have power to them.
I always believe that words held weight but I didn’t put those two together until he said that. He says, “Let me finish about what I mean by that. You are able to say I’m sorry when you have apologized by owning your wrong toward the person or when you have made a mistake. You do not need to keep saying I’m sorry especially when you have apologized for your wrongdoing, To own your mistake you say ‘I am sorry. Please forgive me.’ once you have taken accountability for your wrongness own that wrong and continue to move forward by learning from that wrong. You do not need to keep saying ‘I’m sorry.”
I loved hearing such knowledge because I was becoming aware of my own choice of words and actions I was doing. He says, “The best word to use in our situation is ‘excuse me’. I said, “ Your right how I stop using that word in my life. Even going to the grocery store walking by people I would say ‘I’m sorry.’ Now I’m going to use the word ‘Excuse me’ maybe I’ll add a little flare and say, ‘Excuse me your in my way.’ As I chuckle he shakes his head, starts laughing and says, ‘Just not to the wrong person.’ I thanked him for helping me become more aware of not giving my energy away so freely to others.
I was starting to become aware of what my Aunt once told me of being a people pleaser. She just didn’t explain in a way to help me to understand and maybe I wasn’t in a place to want to listen.
I was so thankful to have a new found word of the day ‘EXCUSE ME!’
So from that day forward I stop saying I’m sorry especially when I did not make a wrong toward another person. The more I started using the word ‘excuse me’ I would notice others around me always saying ‘I’m sorry’. Those other people helped me see how I once was like them. So when I say ‘excuse me’ and the other person replies ‘I’m sorry’ I say ‘Your okay you did not make a mistake. Thank you.’ And I go on my way. I try to help others see that we sometimes don’t pick the specific words that help our situation. We are giving away our selfs (power of oneself) to others even to complete strangers.
The more I learned how I can strengthen myself mentally by learning more on how words can affect my life. I started my path of uncovering words that our society stop using that once served our lives to help us be stronger mentally, verbally and physically. How certain words do hold weight. It is the weight of the power we put into those words. The power of words can change your life completely to understand you can put action to those words and keep your energy to oneself instead of losing yourself to others.
Don’t take this the wrong way. You still can be there for others by choosing to be there for them not losing yourself in the process of freely comprising yourself to others just to please them. Seeing that there may be issues within you how you can resolve those issues just by choosing words to help you resolve and heal yourself.
How you can stop giving your power away by saying the word sorry in the wrong context. If you haven’t made a mistake then sorry is not the word to use.
Sorry is used too many times when the word excuse me or pardon me can be used more often on your walking path. Or even thank you for letting me know. Sometimes people will say to you that you did something wrong when it is their pet peeve not that you actually made a mistake and did something wrong.
Don’t get manipulated into feeling it is your fault. Be aware of your words & actions helps you strengthen your whole self.
Even here motivating & inspiring you to have more JOY in your life.
Finding Joy in the ordinary😃
My goal is for this to inspire you to challenge you to seek and understand what areas in your life you can help improve physically, mentally, and emotionally.
*If you need professional help please seek out the support. It is so important for you to grow with the right support.*
For all to see that you can make decisions that are mistakes remember to acknowledge your mistake and forgive yourself. Make decisions that will help you learn from your mistakes.
I believe in you & I am proud of you! May your heart be filled with JOY!